countryboysays

Its occurred to me quite recently actually more like been pointed out to me that am not the easiest person to be around or get close to.  Some introspection has led me to the same conclusion. From friendships to relationships including at family level. Its as though I am two different people, in a moment I can move from the life of the party to some guy seating in the corner or in the car just waiting for the occasion to come to an end. Socially this may mean being very pleasant to be around and then totally disappearing and conveniently reappearing. Most times it means always making plans to meet up at an undisclosed date that never comes. As my friend put it, some form of dissociative behavior or friendship by proxy.  In more ways than one, this is true when you've been to the dark places of self isolation, you became two different people, one very public and pleasant person (conjured from other people's expectations or sometimes who you use to be) and another very d

Musing 1: We look like you and depression looks like me The other day someone casually said something because they assumed they were in the presence of 'normal' people. It was not just what she said but the way she said it all judgemental like with a touch of disdain (Paraphrase) '...now that there are plans to send people to Mars, you know who I think should go there first, all this depressed and suicidal people. They can just leave earth they don't want to be here anyway...'  As she looked around for concurrence I asked her whether I should go to Mars I mean I've been depressed. At that moment her bubble burst and suddenly her 'normal' brain could not understand how and why someone like me could suffer depression. She then demanded an explanation on how depression feels like, I informed her that its not something you can explain it's something you have to experience to understand and told her that I pray she never gets the opportunity to u